Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
