I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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