I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
