A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
