In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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