I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
