bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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