wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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