I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
