I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
