pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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