I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
