we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
