You can't motorboat a personality
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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