hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
