as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
