So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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