she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
there's paper in my vomit.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
