3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
