Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
