I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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