dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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