I heard we made out
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
