im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
