Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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