who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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