2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
