Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
