we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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