he looks like a really good dad on facebook
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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