Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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