she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
