Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
