At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
