i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
