there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
