remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
