woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
