but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
