I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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