My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
