Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
