and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
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We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
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Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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