We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
