you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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