So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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