she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
