respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
