if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
