so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
