Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
