yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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