I am puke
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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