Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
