i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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