nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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