The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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