Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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