whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
