that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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