He had one of those small greek statue penises
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
