he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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