I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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