the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
