I am in a vortex of obligation.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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