The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
