It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
