When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
