I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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