i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
two words: eviction party
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
