My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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