But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
