...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
