Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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