Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
