just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
